I recently read a post by a blogging friend Sherry at Superexhausted and got sad. It was/is a lovely post about friendship. That true blue giggle girl bestie type of friendship. At the end of the post Sherry asked her readers to comment who their true blue friend was and I was stumped…..
I didn’t have anyone to write. Forever ago I had a million friends. I was a social butterfly in my twenties and early thirties. I would make plans and then invite 5 other friends to all meet up. I was a total party girl and out all night every night and then the other day I couldn’t name a friend. My heart hurt, a lot. I don’t get invited to lots of parties, asked to go somewhere fun with my family for the day and I feel if I don’t make plans with people they don’t make plans with me. I have girlfriends that I talk to daily but who is my best, true blue friend…I don’t know. I have friends that I enjoy and that we laugh together but life is hectic with work, kids, family and even with the best of intentions we never hang out like we should.
No matter how hard I thought of who to name in Sherry’s post everyone I thought of was either a new friend I felt silly adding such a huge attachment to because they might find me pathetic and stalker-esque or old friends that have drifted far enough that I should know better and not label them for fear of feeling pathetic too.
Are there down times in life where you just don’t have that bestie type pal?
Or am I just doomed for life with no Lucy to my Ethel?
Sarah, I have never met you, but you seem like the type of person that everyone loves! I am sure someone considers you her Lucy! I do understand what your point is, though. And I do think that most of our social life revolves around our kids these days. I secretly always hope I like my kid’s friend’s moms :)….. and then there is always your hubby to be your friend 😉
Oh Lindsey thanks so much!! THat is super sweet. My husband told me today I have him and the kids. He is right and I know and love that. Some days it’s hard to get up go to work, go home be a mom, go to sleep and then do it all over again all the while having roots down to my ears and not having been out with a girlfriend in forever
I feel you on this – and agree about both old and new friends. I think I also moved into the phase of my life where my husband and kids are my BFF’s (and my sister too) and that is ok with me 🙂
Colleen I think that is where I am. I am typically ok with it until I read Sherry’s post and was stumped. I have never been stumped before on who is my friend kind of thing.
I had what I thought was a true blue friend who happened to be my sister-in-law, and then we had a huge falling out which affected the rest of my husband’s family.
I don’t have a true blue friend now. However, I have a small number of friends for various reasons who I love to chat with almost daily. Being an introvert, I’m okay if there’s no true blue friend for now. I love having all the women in my life that I do have.
You’re not alone. 🙂 But one thing I realized is that time really doesn’t matter when it comes to friends. What matters is how you make each other feel. And I agree with Colleen… Pete & the kids are my besties now.
Rob and the kids are totally my bests too!!! It’s funny there is nothing I would rather do than be with them but I miss those vivacious friendships I once had where everything that happened I needed to tell a friend!
I consider you a friend! My true blue friend is someone I only get to see once a year – if I am lucky – but I know we will always be there for each other. Heck, I stalked her by tracking her down when she transferred colleges to get away from the madness of our school. My husband is probably my bestie, though.
I consider you a great friend, and we have only met in real life for like 30 seconds. Any of us would be lucky to call you our true blue.
I really consider you a great friend too Heather even though we only had a 30 second brush at Sesame! I am totally have a down on me kind of week.
OMG I had a quick Sesame meeting with Heather, too!!!! We randomly met on line for the carousel 🙂
Friends have come and gone in my life. It is something I have struggled with since middle school. But now, my husband is my best friend. I am so glad, because he has seen me at my best, and has been there to hold me up when I have been at my worst.
With that said, I do miss having the female friendships. Husbands just don’t get PMS sometimes.
I have felt this way so many times in the past, just longing for that one friend soul mate. I am not sure why, perhaps it came with age or perhaps it is feeling complete with the friends I have, but I no longer feel the need to have that one person. I hope you find your friend peace too!
Sarah, as you get older you’ll realize there are different friends at different times in your busy and hectic lives. At my age I can’t say I have one true blue friend…. I probably have 4 or 5 that have been my friends for 15 or 20 years. They are the ones I could call in the middle of the night if I needed something, but yet I don’t talk to them sometimes for weeks or months. We are all so busy with our kids and grandkids and our husbands (that was probably the wrong order lol!). I honestly haven’t had just 1 person as a friend since I was a kid and even back then it was too much pressure!
Oh I love this post! And I can totally relate as I am in your BOAT 100%. SAME THING! I do have a handful of very close friends but I’ve found the challenge of adding a family, work at home job, and making priorities with my kids and family to cause the other relationships to suffer. Then again, I think like those say above – so often you have different friends at different times in your lives – and priorities shift. Plus, I don’t think all of us NEED a total ONE BEST FRIEND thing – I also think it hurts peoples feelings when if you are in a group of friends – and you all assume you are equally “best friends” or “one of your closest friends” and then a pair of people PAL off as “besties” all the time – it can cause some heartache.
I say NO WORRIES. Just try to be friends and positive to those you meet and like. What we put out into the world, will come back to us eventually.
And if you are feeling like you want to get closer to people, just make the effort and see what happens. I’ve been trying to do that myself more – and this post is a good reminder that I need to do more of it. It’s not always about what relationships come to you but what we do to build new relationships and connections with people. xoxo
I think from the comments you will see how everyone feel this way. My friends have changed and evolved so much since graduating collee. Kids, jobs and even my blog have changed so many friendships over the years. I say enjoy those friendship moments you have and then go back to what really matters – your kids and Rob. Don’t close yourself off and keep putting yourself out there. Xo