I haven’t really ever picked a word of the year. In the past I have thought of resolutions, put new ideas in place, succeeded and failed at many things but this year I have decided to try to help change my outlook on the year in order to feel as if I have a bit of control over how things affect me. 2018 did us dirty when our boy Finnegan was so quickly taken from us. In a matter of hours we found out he had lymphoma, decided to try chemo and saw our pup pass away right before our eyes at home next to his bestie Rob. After Finnegan passed we moved to our new home a week later. There was no joy in our move, a move we had saved for and wished to make for many years was just blanketed with sadness over knowing that this new house wouldn’t have Finnegan in it. Truth be told, I think I spiraled into a pretty deep sadness for months, I still find myself slipping back there but I have sort of gotten to a place where I find joy in memories.
The move was big for us. We ended up on a no outlet street where shooting hoops and racing electric scooters became a way of life for the kids. We are across from a gorgeous farmstead that I can see from my bedroom window every morning and when I force myself to move forward and step outside of my mood I can find the joy in the beauty of our new space.
Next week I start a new job. After over a decade at my current job, which over the past few months had changed into one I didn’t love and I could feel that wearing on my soul, I decided to look a bit for a job I thought I would enjoy but that would also understand that I need some flexibility to be present in my children’s moments whether it be a band concert or field day, I don’t want to miss it!! I truly believe I have found a job that I will not only enjoy, but be really good at!! It was hard to decide to leave a place where I loved so many people and was so comfortable for something new and unknown but I really think a new adventure is what my mind needs to reset itself.
We are also exploring the possibilities of bringing a puppy into our lives. I won’t go much into details on that till I know we are set because my heart is so fragile when it comes to the topic.
and so….here we go, it’s 2019 and I am truly ready to find JOY.